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i went to see granddad yesterday. my cousins was there. the moment i step in the ward, i saw my cousins crying. my heart drop. i went to my granddad. i held his hands, i ask him 'atuk ingat tk nie sape? nie nurul tok'. he didnt remember, he just smile. and he keep on talking. talking about stuff that we don't even know. it breaks my heart seeing him that way. i tried to keep my tears. but i just couldn't. i cried so bad. even my sibilings cried. seeing his condition really break my heart. and now thinking about him, I'm about to cry again. but I'm trying my best to hold it back. i just hope he'll recover soon. its so different. the way he is now. he use to always make jokes and talk to us. now, its not the same anymore. i miss him. i want to be with everyday. but i know i cant. i have school. prelims are in 2 weeks time and O level are around the corner. i cant afford to lose my focus.

dear allah, help my granddad trough this. please let him recover and be like what he use to be. amin.
:'(

mum and dad just got back from the hospital. mum said, grandad couldnt remember anything anymore. but he ask for me. mum said, grandad said this ' dah letak quran dalam bilik dier, nurul mane nurul mane'. he was healthy the last time i saw him. i even slept over at my grandma and grandad place. isn't life unpredictable. one minute you can be a very healthy person and the next your not. I'm praying hard for grandad to cepat sembuh. i cant bare see him that way. i going over to the hospital tmr to see him. hopefully he remembers me cause he couldn't even remember my sister Sarah. as I'm typing this out I'm starting to cry.

ouh god, please keep my grandad healthy and safe. Amin.

yesterday, before i went for tuition. love brought me to Montreux Bristo to have our early dinner. he got this $50 voucher and wanted to spend it with me. awwww. the place was pretty small. And the only people who was there to dine in was just me and him. how romantic. we had the place all to our self. the place was rather classy to me. so we ordered. he ordered a mango smoothie and i ordered peachy freezy. the drinks wasn't what we expected. it wasn't sweet. we had steak sandwich, it was delicious and we had chocolate cake with hot chocolate oozing from the inside and top with vanilla ice-cream for desert. the desert was the best. before we went home, we went to this lake to watch the stars. it was a really nice view. the day spend with him was just like heaven(:

im going to do my revision now.

tmr's mock exam is Biology; Inheritance.

the superduper-harderst-ever-topic-and-not-easy-to-uderstand chapter.
And im already missing love.

he's not feeling well, do take care love and rest well.

i'll call you when i call you.

i had enough. enough of people fucking up other people life for no particular reason. whats with all this people coming into our life and say shits about us.

some people don't know how to use words. don't use it, if you don't know how to use it in a sentence. cause it can mean a different thing to other people.

Ive tried to help, but you didn't even bother. And now I'm helping you again, you still give the same shits. i had enough. you just don't appreciate.

she trying to put me down and making me feel like im such a stupid ass. well you ask for it.

im at home and its a monday. yeah im not in school. im sick:(

i haven't been updating. ive been really busy this weekend. so no time to update.

i went to wait's sister birthday on Saturday. it was her 18th. the party was great. loads of food. And there's chicken; black pepper chicken. yummmm-mmieee! i ate alot, like really really alot. the cake was fabulous! chocolate cake with lots and lost of chocolate fudge. And there's also fondue. the chocolate was like heaven especially with marshmallow. hahaha. they knew how my reaction was eating it. funny. haha. there was games. my group was leading at first but then through the last game, we got most of the question wrong. but at least everyone walk away with a gift. i got home at 10.30pm.

yesterday, went out with love. wanted to get his hair cut but then there was alot of people. so we went to eat. came back, no diff. so he ended up not cutting his hair and i ended up laughing at him all the way cause. hahaha. let it just be between me and him. so got home and then grandad gt warded. my whole family went to the hospital. we reach there at 8pm and got home at 11pm. Dad send us home first, cause we got school the next day. then he and mum went back to the hospital. Hopefully my grandad recover sooon.

to girlfriends:
i'm really sorry if this few days i haven't been talking to you girls much. and when you girls talk to me i don't seem to be really there for you. i know cause i feel that im neglecting you guys. and plus im not in school today. i miss you both like alot.

have i told you that i love farhan alot:D
im gg to see him in 4hrs time.
i'll upload the pictures soon.

well school have been great this week. having a ball of time with my classmates and gfs. its been really kecoh. hahaha. cicak! i've just finish the book 'if you could see me now' by Cecelia ahern. A really enchanting and unexpected book. its about this girl who was so work up with work and taking care of her sister son Luke. And doesnt have time for friends or even herself. Then she meet someone who she and Luke could only see, Ivan. and no one else could. She didn't know it at first but towards the ending... you guys will have to read it to know(: and now im starting on a knew book called 'where rainbows end' by the same writer. yes nabila, not 'over the rainbow'. hahaha. *insidejoke* well it seems interesting. just starting. and yet again its the best place to go when you don't want to face the world. that's where i would go to. my books(:

but there's this part that really bothers me. Alot. there's this girl from school who's trying to get involve with me and my friends life's. who is she to tell us about what we should do and stuff. for goodness sake we all know she's from lower sec. she tags sue and call sue kak sue. Duh! and yet says that me and my friends are shameful. what's with her anyway. well at least we all know who she is now. well she better straighten her life first before getting herself in this.
PS: Your no one to force her to tell the teacher if she likes him. Which she doesn't. Why do you want to be so involve in this. what connection do have with us, with her. just get this in mind, your really making us sick of your nonsense. And we're glad that we only have a few more month to face such arse like you who doesn't have any life. well anyway thanks for the concern BITCH! Me and my gfs are lucky that we are quite famous in school to have people like you to want to know about us.

I've miss love alot. meet him yesterday and he taught me math. he went trough my test while i did my homework. he got quite upset to see that i was not able to do the simplest questions. i mean its good tough. i really did learn alot yesterday. thanks for teaching me. this Sunday can?? we'll see how oke. ily ps: i keep smelling you. if your near me show yourself! hahahaha :D

Happy Birthday love

yesterday was great. went to Sentosa with love and his friends.

so love took me from tuition and we headed to Bedok interchange.

meet 4 of his friend there,

to get the crackers and drinks.

me and love took the bike and the rest took the car.

so we went to fetch the rest.

love and i and his another friend who took the bike.

headed to vivo first.

to park the bike.

i just know that you cant bring bike to Sentosa. selenge seyh. haha

there we two cars.

so we had to squeeze in.
i'll just post the pictures and you guys will know what happened(:

cake cutting

present time

love, got cake in his pants. hahaha

picture taking

this is everyone

its simply the best day!

yayness! guess what. guess what.

I've learn how to play I'm yours by jason mraz

on my guitar. hahaha.

& also my guardian angel by the red jumpsuit apparatus.

I'm so happy i can jump up and down without stopping.

hahahaha

well, school was oke.

while waiting for our listening comprehension to start.

me and the guys practice and we came up with something

goooooooooooood.

my idea oke:D

and its I'm yours oke taufiq not your mine.

funny fellow. hahahah

hopefully things will turn out well for us.

HOPEFULLY.

I'm too hyper today. which I'm not so sure why.

i guess i took too many intake of sugar.

anira, mastu kan. hahahah *insidejoke*

But but but, i miss boyfriend:(

I've just finish reading 'My sister's keeper'. A novel full for heartbreaks and decisions. I almost cried reading it. It was really touching. seriously i don't know why I'm into books lately. It can really bring you to another world. like for me. when i had a really bad day. And just want to be away from this world. Books really are the best solution.

will be meeting sue later.

my study partner. hehehe

guess I'll be studying chem and bio today.

chemistry test is next week and i don't even understand the chapter:(

to find the number of moles, you have to times or divide by mass and urm urm.

arrrrrggghhhhh!

i cant remember.

there's also the molar volume of gases.
chemistry is hard:(

so here's the photos!

Artfest: 9 july

i forgot to button. sexay sexay. haha

Nabila and i baked cookies for nic birthday. heh

6th july

5th july. went out with love and we watch 'wanted' at downtown.

At last its Friday. im really looking forward to the weekend.
This week haven't been quite good.

There was alot of issues. Penat tau.

soooooo many things happening at the same time.

i think brain cells are dying.

girlfriends mean alot. especially when you have two of them with you in school. and you get to see them every single day. they're always there in good times and bad. hopefully this friendship wouldn't grow apart in 3 month times. can i just say that i have the bestest gf ever. i just did. heh. i mean who would jump over the cubicle just to check on you when you wouldn't want to come out to face the world. my gf would. touching luhh. I'm really grateful and bless to have them both. and anira thanks for everything. i really owe you. especially when you did what you did :D

I'm really behind time for math. i haven't got back my momentum after all the practices for Artsfest. thank god its all done now. no more practices.

Because every time i hear your name.

my heart pumps fast.

Because every time your not here,

you feel close.

Because i smell you,

wherever i go.

Because i know. I love you.

this made me go awwwwwwwwww. i slept peacefully that night. knowing how much he loves me. i love him, my superhero.
i LOVE you my superSeth. heh :D

well yes. everyones right. girls are always with issues. i admit i do have a lot of issues. i'm sick of it. well people do have thier limits. im trough with mine. im sorry nabila, i heard what happened. hang in there alright. im sorry you were brought into the matter. we'll ingnore alright. me and nic are always here for you.

i felt really down. it wasnt just me and my gf who were involve. nabila too. i couldnt get myself together. i broke down. not because of what they said to us. its what happens after that. because of me another friend got hurt. thats it im trough with it.

sue, i know you didnt mean it. so why want to back off. its alright i understand we both understand. dont blame just on yourself. you didnt mean it. its not like kau sengaje kan. we'll forget about the matter alright. remember, we cant afford to lose each other. its just a misunderstanding.

see a small matter can lead to so many things. im still trying my best to get myself back together. and really think it all trough. im sorry nabila im sorry sue.

i need a hug now.
i need someone to be here with me,
telling me that things will be fine.
i was hopping it was you.
i was really hopping.
but then when you said what you said.
i told myself, forget it janaa.

went out with love on Saturday. was suppose to meet mum at the hotel with the rest of cousin. but i got tired and decide to head home instead. we planned to go east coast. but it started drizzling, so we went to geylang instead to have lunch. then we headed to downtown to catch 'get smart'. but it starts pretty late. we watch 'wanted' instead. thanks for treating me to the movies dear. the movie was great. the effect was mind blowing. i mean who can shot a curve bullet right. Saturday was pretty awesome. got home pretty late. broke the curfew again. this time i was 1hr 30mins late. dad got pretty pissed. lucky mum wasn't home yet that time.

nabila came over yesterday. we bake nic some cookies for her birthday. and she said we were so sweet. heheh. got flour all over me. hahha. and while we were waiting for the cookies to bake. we watch Juno on nabila psp. met nic at the playground at 10pm plus. and we chatted for awhile. if nabila would have live near our area. we 3 could always meet up at night. wouldn't it be great. nabila ask your mum to move house luhh. hahahha.

so today. i woke up and dad ask us to go to tampines mart to have breakfast at mac. its been awhile since my family had breakfast together. but Sarah, she just cant behave. she spoilt everyone mood. every time when we go out as a family, she just cant behave. i know she's the last one but still. can i ask not to have a sister. meeting love later. yay! I'm already missing him.

thank god its Friday. at last i can have my proper rest. i haven't been getting enough sleep+rest lately. its been a hectic week. with school, studies, revisions, coursework part B, coursework part A, infocus, early bird, rehearsals, practices, fights, issues. sigh.

9 of July 2008 my very last performance in school. have been having lots of practices. getting scolded at, shouted at, screamed at seems to be already immune to me. i guess its because of all this practices Ive been looking rather dead in school. I'm tired, very tired and my eyes are practically close. ( cause i have sepet eyes ) =__=

my Malay O level oral is next week 8 of July. which is one day before my performance. hopefully I'll do well and that the conversation is not that difficult.

there so many things needed to be done. even though there's a lot to be done and i need time to do it. it doesn't mean that i have forgotten you or have no time for you. i just hope you'll understand. your so afraid, but I'm much more afraid. i don't want this to be the reason why we always argue. I'm trying my best. i want you to be there helping me trough it. its both our last year. your last year in poly and my last year in secondary. its very crucial for us, but i don't want any of this to effect our relationship or our relationship to effect our studies. we'll do our best! i know you can do it dear. we both can. loves.

YOU - mocca

nobody else
no one can make my dreams come true
'cause no one can compare to you
yes it is, your love makes my wishes come true

i need to know
i need to know that you be my one
i need to know that you will always be mine
thought the love would guide my way

it's you..., yes it's you that i adore
it's you who make my life so colourful

it's you..., yes it's you that i adore
it's you who makes my life so colourful

nobody else
no one can make my dreams come true
'cause no one can compare to you
yes it is, the love that will guide my life

oh no!..i think i'm in love baby
oh no!..i think i'm in love baby

oh no!

school haven't been great lately. things are piling up. i don't even know which to start first. sigh. love and i haven't been really getting along well. but we go over it all, yesterday. yea just 1 day before our 3rd month. its been really rough. i couldn't even concentrate in class and i was in the toilet most of the time crying. well at least we're oke now. hopefully thing will get better.

we do things our own way. it doesn't even involve you people. and why do you have to bother us. you'll balme on us and say we started it first, but in fact all we did in class was study and do our own things. well if you people want to talk about us without us knowing. go and talk some where far. where we dont actually hear it. like please uhh. you guys sit practically behind us. and you think we don't hear you talk. use THE BRAIN. ( i know you have one ) me and my friends come to school to study and have fun with OUR friends. and please keep that gap close when teacher is trying to teach. cause you people can sound like a band which doesn't have any tune sometimes. wait, all the time. look, people are trying to study. it'll be better if you keep your gap shut. trust me. and dont be such kpos to listen to OUR conversation.

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