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i was thinking of baking this

today was the same with all the other days, i stayed home. bo-ring. well at least its was much awesome-er then yesterday. i spend my day searching on how to make royal icing and cookies, different types of cookies. i've been making the same chocolate chips cookies this past years so how about something different. haha. boyfriend have been a sweet boy today. so sweet like icing(: and he calls me the cute voice lady. well thats something you dont hear everyday. hehe. i love you dear. i ade date with handsome boy on wednesday, cant wait(:

this will be my 3rd post for today. you cant stop me, from posting. its just that, im lost right now. there's something i dont understand. alot of whatifs and whatsnot. its all so confusing. i feel like crying but i just cnt. my eyes are teary now and my heartbeat is getting faster. why does it come out all at once? i need explaination. ive been trying to tune my guitar, its been an hour and the tuning is still not right. everything is lost, even the tune to my guitar:( how sure can you be that it is true. i have to do alot of thinking. it just crushed me, after what i've read. could it be true? or maybe at that time your heart was just confuse, maybe i guess, i hope so.....

Heart, can all this be for real,
can you help me out?
im a little confuse.
i know your sad
And i am too.
but we both have to be strong,
for HIM.
i know it hurts so much,
even i dont know what it means.
we both know that it was never his fault.
we still love him dearly.

one more day to 8th i hope *prayhard*

you told me to never let go, im trying my best not to. & i hope you do the same.

Relationship aint easy. you have to have trust and commitment towards one another and also compromise with each other. there's alot of sacrifice in this things, its either you see it or you just dont see it at all. with him i've learn so much, and im thankful for that. im not trying to make you people not fall in love its just that you should be prepared for it. at fist its beautiful and lovely, once your really serious about things you have to be ready. you have to be one tough chick to go trough it. i can say im one tough chick. hahaha. girls who arent afraid to let someone in their life, they are really tough. cause sometimes it can really be a painful ride.

at home, again. damn, i seriously need to find something to do. like seriously. i cant meet boyfriend today he got school till six. im going to miss him. gahhhh. i sleep, i bath, i eat, i watch a movie ( at home ) and now im using the laptop. im bored. my head hurts from all the not-doing-anything-and-staying-at-home-all-day. well i went out with boyfriend on Wednesday. and we spend most of our time under the block, cause it was raining heavily. then went to bugis with boyfriend and his two other friends. walk, walk , walk. blaah blaah blaah. then i went home. Monday is the first BUT i cant go out with boyfriend, he got school until 6. bummer. im going to clean my room now. its a mess i tell you a huge MESS!!!

i want to eat the ice-cream at ikea.

its not our lost, it yours.

5 days time to our 8th.

our first ever picture taken together and when S was still using his specs.

iloveyou,everday(:

i really need to get a job.

it really frustrates me when i went to interview and they don't call back.

anyone can recommend?

Any relationship is never perfect. S and i work things out, and we talked it out. i guess we both know whats best for us. And anira dear thanks for being there giving me moral support.

sometimes i wonder, why do we meet alot of different people in our life. some of them are nice and they last long and some are just mean and they stay for awhile or sometimes a very long time, and they make the worst of our life. i guess its part of everyone life to go trough this. i met both and along the way, i've learn alot. i've learned, who i could trust, i could rely on and whose just there wanting the name. im still young, but from what i've been going trough its going to be a great use for me.

get this straight, im not even trying to refer this to anyone.

its harder then i thought it would be. i woke up thinking if it was just a dream or was it really true. i check my phone and it wasn't a dream. its been hard for me, to keep reminding myself not to touch the phone. but i know its for the best. i miss you. 3 days, anything can happen.

='(

today was such a bore.

i hate it when i dont want to talk to you or even see your face. bleagh!

the after math

present time!

im still really tired. anira woke me up early in the morning, just to read something. went to johore with the family yesterday and reached home around 12. and i couldnt sleep till 1 plus, cause my gum was swollen and it hurts so badly:( i did hair treatment yesterday, and now my hair sungguh lembut and not like afro anymore. i loooovveeee my hair. will show you how my hair look like soon. the pictures are in my mum phone and she's at the pasar with dad now. ok, i want to get back to sleep, cause i have a a cutting hair ceremony for my very first niece( my dad side) later in the afternoon. can show off my hair. heeee:D

sometimes you just have to keep your emotion to yourself. cause, things you said might hurt.

today was the most memorable day. like the bestest date with my gf ever. i dont exactly have all the pictures yet. we had lunch at airport and a sweet treat at tampines mall swensens.

we had lunch here.

the place is just great to hang out with friends. its steamboat, and we ate like alot. its not per head, but by the amount of food we ordered. ours was about $60 and we got 15% discount. we had very funny moments and anira embarrassed herself alot! hahaha. will update when i have all the pictures.

im sorry i couldnt or maybe didnt meet you today.

today was just plain bored. i know i've been going out alot and need the rest for tmr. so i stayed home, but i meet S for awhile. we had this awkward moment*inside joke*. now S is layan-ing me trough e-mails. nothing better to do right i know. since i cant download msn, due to some reasons. we decide to send e-mails. andandandandand i cant wait for tmr, having a lunch date with girlfriends.

everything is a mess. trying to protect me, its hurting me instead. i rather die.

the only thing that im afraid of is waking up knowing that your not mine anymore. i'm afraid of sleeping, afraid that you'll go leaving me while im asleep. im scared.

Baby i know it has been hard
for the both of us.
we can get trough this together,
i know.
you have me
& i have you.
we'll make it work,
whatever it takes.

god knows how much i have been patience with you all this years.

just know i have my limits. I just hope that today,

my fairytale will continue to be a happy ending. insyaallah.

Bring back my fairytale.

why so suddenly people are interested in whatever i do with my life?

give me a break, i need air to breath.

I dont know what else you want with me. why do you want so much for me to break up with him? let it go will you. i know you since young i know how much you have lied to me. And i had enough. im not falling for any of your stupid lies. i was young and naive, i believed everything you told me cause i look up to you as a big sister. And after over and over and over again being lied right to the face. i finally realised. Yes you could manipulate me and change my mindset, but that was the past. Now, not anymore. Let me decide one my own, i know whats best for me.

i've finish my O's i should be enjoying, i should be happy. But im not. so many things are coming my way and im not looking forward to it. All of this are happening at the same time. Hits me like a bullet. When i have the most greatest thing in the world, someone has to take it away. why? let me be on my own, im old enough to decide and make my own decision. no one can make me do anything, NO ONE!

Because i know you and me are forever,

i can feel it.

i love you S.

i went out with anira and her family yesterday. thank you so much for the dinner and the movie. though when i was on the way home, i got really sick. i had a little tummy ach but i thought it was nothing. just as we were about to reach tampines i black out, lucky for me i didnt drop on the floor. i have been having this head spining problem lately, but i didnt know it would get this bad. i dont know how to thank you for getting me a cab to get home. thank you anira. love you!

well today i felt abit better, yes just abit. my head still hurts. i felt really bad for not meeting S today, which i was suppose to. im still weak to get out of the house. im really sorry S for not meeting you today. i'll meet tmr oke. xoxo.

i've finish watching the season one of the Gossip Girl and im so looking forward to season 2. the story is full of scandals and gossip, so EXCITING! And Nate is soooo HOT! ( i love you still S )

lastly, the people from imodels called and i have an interview with mum at 3 tmr, but i dont want to go. mum calling them later to tell them we wont be going.

i couldn't get the official video on my blog. bummer. im into her songs at the moment. especially 'The show' and im learning to play it on my guitar. the chords are quite easy so i think im able to play the full song soon.

i spent my day yesterday watching 'The sisterhood of the traveling pants 2' and finishing up my reading on 'A place called here by Cecelia Ahern'.

When you have four best friends and you guys are close like sisters, i think you should watch it. its full of drama and i cried watching it. How the pants brought their friendship together and stronger and also how they all manage to over come each of their problems. its just awesome and you wont regret watching it. i think im going to watch it again. And some parts are oh-so-sweet. you'll like literally go awwwwww. hahaha.

It took me 7 days to finish this book despite how busy i was with exams. The book is just great. Once i started reading, i just couldnt stop, every chapter was interesting and it makes you want to know more. Its not really about love, its about this girl Sandy Shortt who has been haunted by what happens when something or someone disappears. Finding has been her goal. Unlike Cecelia other books this one is different and i really like it. Next book 'Thanks for the memories by Cecelia Ahern'

Ever wondered where the lost things go?

i had fun today. HSM3 was great. sweet as candies.

im lazy to update more. i just love today. and i love boyfriend.

havent had the mood since i woke up this morning. i guess i woke up on the wrong side of the bed. love has been such a sweet boy, and all i did was to get on his nerve. im sorry love, im just not in the mood lately. well i spent my day with anira. she needed a time off with what's going on and just relax. i wonder why is it so hard for me to get a job, while everyone around me has jobs.

For better or for worst, she is still my sister and i love her

& boyfriend i love you too(:

i love you dear,
just you and no one else.
i love you Muhammad farhan(:

i dont like it. i hate when i made a small mistake, everyone makes it a big deal. how they lost their trust in me when all this time i've been trying my hard to give whatever i have and how i just dont feel like lending my things for a day and they say i was useless. when most of the time i gave in and bought so much for them. how cruel can the world get.

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