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today my group was complete. zul, farhan, hafiz and wati came. its been long since we got together and spend time. it was really great we took pictures and we as a class made a surprise for dear mdm faridah. she literally cried. i was touched. yea, i cried too.

but what was sad that. when my clique took pictures together. it wasnt like how it use to be. we've drift apart. no one wants to admit. they're just pretending as if everything is fine. when its OBVIOUSLY not. we're not like we use to be. guys, isnt it obvious cant you see. our cliques in school are drifting and now those who went to ite too. whats happening. we act happy when we meet up. but then after that. we all were busy with our stuff and forgot to spend time after school. i was sad. i was about to cry. but i control. wati was in a rush, she had plans with her other friends. anira, had to go home quick to meet her mum. sue, had to go home straight. zul, was with his other friends. farhan, meet with his other friends. hanif and afiq, wasnt close to us like they use to be. hafiz, he's there just following the flow. yes i know everyone is busy. cant you see that now even when we're still schooling together everything is drifting. whats going to happen if we already finish our secondary school life's. i want BS back. where everyone was there for one another and we were close, very very close. and yes im losing something i love so much. you guys :'(

and love, im sorry about today. everything is really sad. i was busy trying to put everything together. but it failed. and end up we both argue-ing.

i love you,

i didn't mean what i said.

:'(

im suppose to be in school having my math paper 2. but all the sec 5 had to go home. cause our paper today was cancelled. something happened, to two boys from my school and we were send back home. but i have to go back to school for my oral. what a bummer.

& ouh prelims has just started and im studying like hell. love has help me with math, im coping well, i guess. i just hope i'll pass my math paper. i will be see-ing him 4 days straight(: bestnyeeeeeeeeer. and our 5th month is coming. time pass really fast.

even if im busy with school,
never forget that i'll always love you.
1 more month and we'll have our time together love.

i don't like it how people like to mess up people life.
this is the reason why i hate what happen.
what someone told me.
which is so different from the truth.
what's the point of this??
what are you trying to do.
be matured. GROW UP.
i fucking hate what happen.

Pesta raya here we go!

i need revision for every subject. when ever i dont do any. i get worried and my mind would go haywire. then i'll get stress up for no reason. pathetic isint it. i have to really push myself. my prelims is like this friday and my english oral is next week. how bad can it be. very very bad!!!

school was great today. and yes BFF! hahaha. *insidejoke*

your different,
not like the rest of them.

you always give me this feeling,

that no guy ever had.

and i like it,

cause it makes me want you more.

im really tired today. went tuition in the morning. i woke up late and there's no reason to be there early cause everyone was also late. might as well i come late also. boyfie fetch me from tuition. i get to see him at last! he smell sooooo good. he have the baru mandi smell. heee. i like i like i like. he let me listen to a song before he went to work. it was really niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i download the song already. yay! dont have to ask from you.

i was really hungry when i got home. cause during class my stomach was having a gig inside. sheesh! whats more mum didnt cook. so i just ade cakes. i read my book and i fell asleep. dad woke me up at ard 5 plus and i found out my grandma just reached. they went out back to go to the hospital. mum baked brownies. i've yet to try them. but now im not hungry anymore.

tmr all of my cousins are coming, both mum and dah side. we're having kenduri. i still have to clean my room which is really in a huge mess. im still shagged. my eyes are really small now. i miss boyfie already he's out with his family.

look look. aint he the most sexiest thing ever. drools. hahas.
it was really sad we couldn't perform for teacher's day.
we were so looking forward to it.
our prelims crash with the rehearsals. bummer.

A phrasing that's a single tear,
Is harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.

on the 13th my friends came over to visit me. i was still not feeling well. its as if all my energy was sucked out from my body. it was a surprise they came. they didnt tell me. they brought chocolates and made a get well card. awwww. it really touched my heart:') they cheered me up. i felt a lot better.

prelims are coming. ouh yes. in just how many weeks to come.
and my english oral is in 11 days time. can i do it??
hopefully.
im done with my coursework.
but there's still some more that i need to touch up on.
math's haven been a pain in the ass.
ive been doing alot of practices, but i still fail my class test.
it really pulls me down.
i can just forget my humanities, i cant cope with history like seriously.
there's so much to study.
chemistry is a bitch. i just DO NOT understand.
for biology i can cope, maybe its because i love biology.
biology is sooooo interesting(: yay!

and when i grow up i want to be a DIETITIAN

i know i shouldn't have keep it to myself. i know i should have told someone, anyone. but i was stubborn i wanted to keep quite about it. i let myself suffer inside. i know i have friends whose there for me. its just me. im at fault for all of this that's happening.

im not blaming you anira and im not blaming you sue. its not your fault this happens. its mine. if only i didnt let myself suffer and think so much about all this stuff. if only. i didnt know what happened. i've just lost control of myself. thanks so much for taking care of me and being there. i love you both alot.

im happy for you anira, you've got everything you've wanted. you've got A2 for malay and now you've got accept for the DPA. i know you can do it. work hard and you'll get it.

Farhan, its not your fault either that this has happened. i just dont want you to worry so much. i'm already awake and i feel much better now. i just need to rest. you know, i'll be fine. i love you.

i've been doing my coursework since morning till now. sheesh. my brain cells are dying. i havent done my revision yet. maybe later i'll do my math paper. im almost finish with my coursework. yay janaa! im left with the evaluation and time plan. then im done. goodbye f&n! hahahha.

im in need to get some new clothes.
i want to get:
- 3 quarter pants (a lose one, which is below my knees)
- a hoodie
- 3 quarter skirts
- tops
- tank top
- a new sandal

im gg to see you tmr boyfie.

yesterday i went to tan tock seng hospital to see my granddad. im glad he is better now. cousin treat me to starbuck. thank sooooo much(: she had the green tea something and i had my usual chocolate frapp with chocolate chips. yummie! hehehe.

days havent been great with love. i didnt know where it was leading us. i've never tot of giving up on us. even if it was really bad. cause i know we can get trough it somehow. and we did it didnt we.

I know it feels like the end

Don't want to be here again

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

What it takes I don't care

We're gonna make it I swear

yesterday i felt like I've lost two of the most important things i had.

and today i got back one but the other is still lost.

what if suddenly everything

comes back to your life.

what do you do??

i just want people to know that.

im happy with what i have now,

especially my love, Farhan.

i would never want to trade him to anything.

just let it go.

im done with coursework part B. like thank god.

and now im struggling with part A.

sheesh.

im going to do some revision on F&N.

tmr's test; proteins.

i feel like crying. its getting hard.

im stressing up, its all very pressurizing.

ive not been going to infocus.

its either im sick or just tired.

ive been doing alot of studying.

i guess.

and my brain cells are dying.

im not so sure if i want to go on saturday. i need every time i have to study. i know, i should have a break. but not at this moment. not yet i guess. we'll see how. im shagged.

pressure, stress. am i able to cope with all of this. I'm not so sure myself. i should keep telling myself i can do it. then i can do it. my aim now is to get enough points to go jc. i know it seems too much. for someone like me. but that is where i have to go, to get to my dreams.

coursework is really getting on me. now I'm stuck with coursework part B and yet coursework part A I'm still stuck with decision making. what am i to do. i still have other subjects to concentrate on. this is really scary. i get chills just by thinking about my coursework. well I'm improving in english. my teacher said i did(: and my biology too. but its only one chapter. which i got highest in class. its always when I'm good in one subject I'll flunk another subject.

i just hope that i can get a brain transplant overnight and get someones clever brain. wouldnt it be better. i wish.

hopefully, mum will let me out on saturday night. i want to watch fireworks with love.

its just different. now, he's not even opening up his eyes. mum said he has nana in his brain. what's going to happen next?? im scared of losing him. i cried again. i sat by his side holding him, just hoping that he'll be back like he use to be. going to operation is really a big thing. the doctor said if they cant treat it using med, he has to go operation, but its really risky.

thanks gf, for being there and telling me that things are gg to be fine. thanks for listening to me when i needed you guys the most. i couldnt control my tears if it werent for you guys. i just hope he'll recover.

im trying my best here in this condition to make you feel better when things were fucked up. im trying my best not to breakdown, just so to make you feel better and telling you that everything is gg to be great. i dont want to add your day with my sadness when you already had a really rough day.

i went straight home after school. stupid menses have to come today. of all the freaking day, today. the first, my 4th anni our anni. great-_- like it has anything to do with it.

didn't go for f&n consultation. and dear mdm faridah was freaking mad as us. cause no one came. i couldn't be bother. i was in pain, for goodness sake.

i hog on the computer till about 3 plus. then watch tv. but apparently nothing good was on. shucks. so i went to my room and did some math till about 7. then i did some chemistry till about 7.45. by then i couldn't take it and decide to have an hour break. and now im putting glitter glue on my nails, cause i have nothing better to do. it looks pretty. i feel like a kid again!

And today is our 4th monthsarry(:

ily dear.

add dilute nitric acid and aqueous barium nitrate, to find sulfate.

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