"Yesterday when I touched you, you were so.. hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. Because I've hurt you too much? Is it because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be.. quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings. Please just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?".
i got this from dorcus blog(i copy2 kay. heh)
New moon.
i have great friends. They're there always making me feel better. Today i woke up, not the feeling of lost i felt, instead i felt unlove. The heart suddenly stop a beat and i started crying so badly. i couldnt fall asleep back and the night before i couldnt sleep either. I had to sleep with the light on, i felt scared. i only slept for about 3 hours. I didnt want to wake up i wanted to just sleep and never wake up or just hoping that everything is just a dream. i wish.
i went to work giving my best smile, but rynne could tell i was sad. i told her and she made me feel safe. Not just her, but with the people i work with today. with them i felt safe. felt i belong to someone. fiza told us about her relationship what she went trough for the 5 years. She said that if we are sure that he's the one regardless of what obstacle we go trough we'll be patience. And haziq told me that if yesterday was bad, today would be good. yes it was, i got a compliment from a customer for making a perfect latte. i was please with myself. but i couldnt deny, i was missing him. the thought of him would suddenly come up and i'll feel a lump in my throat. i hold back my tears.
But i cried going home. I couldnt take it. i didnt understand, i miss him so badly.
Farhan dear,
im not perfect. Im not an angel. Im not too good for you. I have my flaws and so do you. It cant be the reason. i have so many question to ask. But i cant bring myself to and i know you wouldnt answer it. i love you, still alot. i've not finish yet, loving you. It isnt enough. why are you always confuse? that, i dont understand. you, yourself knows that what is happening is hurting me. if it wasnt easy for tyou hen why do it? i want to back away and see how you lead your life without me. but i guess i was the one who cant. you want me to find someone better? among all the guys i've known your better off then them. what makes you think that your hurting me alot? i hurt you too, i know. and your a good guy and i want to be with this good guy(you). i know i cant force love. i dont even know why im doing this.
Oh god, im hurting so badly now. Im not angry at him i never was. i just wanted to be the best girlfriend he has. but i guess...........
my cousin, he's been there listening to my cries and he was and is the one who is always making me understand. He's a guy so he'll knows. And i always feel much better talking to him. cause everytime i tell him what happen i'll laugh in the end. i love him, yea my cousin. you know who you are*winks*
